Long time no see: new therapist and other updates

Well, it's been awhile since I have written anything. Since my last post I have seen my new therapist two times. I really only have one word to describe her: AWESOME. Like I said in my last post she is a professor at a University in the area, and in my first appointment she told me she had actually just finished teaching a class to her Doctoral and PhD students called CBT Therapy for OCD and more specifically those with Pure O. Could her experience with OCD be any more perfect? I think not. The first appointment was my intake, and actually took 2.5 hours. It's funny that I can talk that entire time about my history with OCD and still have things to say. She gave me an awesome OCD book that I had not seen before--Getting Over OCD: A 10 Step Workbook for Taking Back Your Life. If you haven't purchased this book I would highly recommend it. Our second appointment was basically a question asking session for me. I had several things I wanted to discuss with her including medication and other topics. The questions I had allowed us to discuss a lot about my compulsions, avoidance's, and obsessions, as well as how they should be handled. The all elusive UNCERTAINTY of course. Gosh, I hate that word. But all in all she is incredibly understanding, encouraging, and informed. Definitely couldn't ask for any more.

I was going to continue this post with an update on my medications and some info about my experience thus far with possible ADHD, treatment and bla bla bla. But, I can't focus and am going to go eat some dinner :) Will try to update more tomorrow or this weekend. Hope everyone is doing well.

Thank you Dr. Grayson

I have had a rough couple of days with my ROCD as I've been home for Thanksgiving and that entails lots of trigger. Ugh. But, I am going to save my complaining and annoyance for a later time and just post a little something from Dr. Grayson's book, "Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder", that gave me a little feeling I comfort today. (I'm sure most of you have read it, and if I I would highly recommend it). He says: "I have noticed all three traits that characterize almost all of you: creativity,imagination, and above average intelligence. Creativity because the core of creativity is asking "what if". Imagination is the ability to think about a subject so vividly that it feels real. You scare yourself to death. As for intelligence, if one accepts the basic premise of your OCD fears, the complex systems you devise are logical. These traits serve you in many ways that you probably appreciate. Many of you are the ones whom friends come to for advice. They do this because you understand. And you understand because when you listen to others, you can suspend your own reality and judgement to creatively imagine what it would be like to be in your friends position". So, if you need to shed some positive light on your OCD use this excerpt as an opportunity. We are above average. We have traits and qualities others can only hope to have. We are empathetic, understanding, intelligent, self aware, creative, imaginative, strong, and most important of all we have the opportunity to fight through something that will make us stronger and better individuals down the road. We just have to keep working on managing this unique disorder and turn it into an asset.

Random Thoughts for the Day

I don't have any real inspiring material for the night. Just some random thoughts that have been going through my head. :) I was talking to my boyfriend this evening about my moods incorporated with my OCD. I found it quite funny that I actually used the title of my blog to describe it to him (he isn't allowed to read it). Days with OCD are literally like rollercoaster rides. Now that I am on meds, I will find that I literally have hours here and there where I forget that I even have OCD. I feel like a normal person and how I assume I felt before my OCD started---it's been too long ago to really remember. Sometimes this will be two or three days lapsed together. I won't necessarily forget about the OCD, but it's just like the thoughts really don't bother me. The anxiety isn't as prevalent and I guess you could say I shrug off the irrational thoughts like a normal human being. Other days--BAM! Sometimes I don't even know what triggers it. I just feel so down. It is almost like now that I know I have OCD there is a big gray cloud that follows me around from time to time that just makes me feel gloomy--even if it's not necessarily the obsessive thoughts and anxiety that cause it. It's just something that is there. But, don't get me wrong. I am using this excerpt as a spot to declare something I am grateful for tonight, which is: going to a therapist who immediately realized I had obsessive compulsive behaviors and immediately started me on an SSRI. On the days where I wonder if I even have OCD, because I feel great and happy, and of course am still questioning the legitimacy of my diagnosis, I simply remind myself of the deep dark hole I was in just a month ago before I sought out help and started my meds. I think about how incredibly out of control my brain was and how in the world I did not realize something was terribly wrong so much sooner. I feel so bad that I wasn't able to recognize the seriousness of my thoughts and behaviors, and continued to put myself and those around me through the horrible effects of OCD. For all of you out there finding yourselves debilitated by OCD, please don't hesitate to try medication. Not necessarily as a long term solution, but atleast a way to calm down your brain while working your way through therapy. It has helped me so much already.

My other random thought of the day is just a simple "What I am thankful for". Today I just want to say how thankful I am for the support system I have, and tonight that specifically refers to my boyfriend. He is the number one reason why I finally sought out help and has been more supportive and wonderful than I could have ever hoped or asked for. He is quite simply one of the kindest and well intentioned people I have ever met. I don't know what in the world I ever did to deserve him, but I'll count my blessings.