Random Thoughts for the Day

I don't have any real inspiring material for the night. Just some random thoughts that have been going through my head. :) I was talking to my boyfriend this evening about my moods incorporated with my OCD. I found it quite funny that I actually used the title of my blog to describe it to him (he isn't allowed to read it). Days with OCD are literally like rollercoaster rides. Now that I am on meds, I will find that I literally have hours here and there where I forget that I even have OCD. I feel like a normal person and how I assume I felt before my OCD started---it's been too long ago to really remember. Sometimes this will be two or three days lapsed together. I won't necessarily forget about the OCD, but it's just like the thoughts really don't bother me. The anxiety isn't as prevalent and I guess you could say I shrug off the irrational thoughts like a normal human being. Other days--BAM! Sometimes I don't even know what triggers it. I just feel so down. It is almost like now that I know I have OCD there is a big gray cloud that follows me around from time to time that just makes me feel gloomy--even if it's not necessarily the obsessive thoughts and anxiety that cause it. It's just something that is there. But, don't get me wrong. I am using this excerpt as a spot to declare something I am grateful for tonight, which is: going to a therapist who immediately realized I had obsessive compulsive behaviors and immediately started me on an SSRI. On the days where I wonder if I even have OCD, because I feel great and happy, and of course am still questioning the legitimacy of my diagnosis, I simply remind myself of the deep dark hole I was in just a month ago before I sought out help and started my meds. I think about how incredibly out of control my brain was and how in the world I did not realize something was terribly wrong so much sooner. I feel so bad that I wasn't able to recognize the seriousness of my thoughts and behaviors, and continued to put myself and those around me through the horrible effects of OCD. For all of you out there finding yourselves debilitated by OCD, please don't hesitate to try medication. Not necessarily as a long term solution, but atleast a way to calm down your brain while working your way through therapy. It has helped me so much already.

My other random thought of the day is just a simple "What I am thankful for". Today I just want to say how thankful I am for the support system I have, and tonight that specifically refers to my boyfriend. He is the number one reason why I finally sought out help and has been more supportive and wonderful than I could have ever hoped or asked for. He is quite simply one of the kindest and well intentioned people I have ever met. I don't know what in the world I ever did to deserve him, but I'll count my blessings.